how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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