Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
