Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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