Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
