I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
