how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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