he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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