Only a mothe r could love this liver
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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