it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
