Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
