She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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