She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She needs sedatives and a leash
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
