last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so let's talk penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
