Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had sex on a roof
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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