I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
