She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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