Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize