Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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