Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Porn is love you can see.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
