is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Randomize