Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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