i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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