ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
