It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
