quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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