don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
