Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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