i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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