By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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