He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
