pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
