I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
