I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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