I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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