I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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