I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
