last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
