When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
