i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
