My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
