They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize