I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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