It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just tell him i said nine months
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
