You can't motorboat a personality
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
