i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
