why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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