So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize