dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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