Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
