The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize