At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
