y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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