Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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