Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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