So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
