Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
