Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
