My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
