guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
