Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He passed out mid-signature
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
