arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
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Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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