I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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