Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
