Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
