Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Small penises have feelings too.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
