90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
