she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
