imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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