I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize