Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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