I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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