If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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