WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
