Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
