my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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