My friends, they love my intelligence
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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