He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
