i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
