I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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