Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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