her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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