and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
