Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
