Sponge bath it is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
