She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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