I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
