and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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