so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
