We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
