my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
