We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
In America we eat man semen.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
