What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
