Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We had sex on a dog bed..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
