Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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