it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
