Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
