i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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